I find anger fascinating. I spent so many years feeling angry and resentful toward many different people. I got stuck in my anger and resentment and it impacted my relationship with myself and others. Anger is not a pleasant feeling. It triggered and fueled my eating disorder. I used food to cope with these feelings, instead of understanding that feeling angry is normal and allowing it to pass. I judged, shamed and hated myself for feeling angry.
We all get angry at times. When I meet with someone and they express anger, I simply listen and validate their feelings of anger. Their anger cues me to ask them about their expectations. You see, when we feel angry, it is very likely that there is some kind of expectation we’ve put on a person, place or thing and when those expectations are not met, then we get angry and resentful. We need to understand that anger is a part of grieving and that in order to reach acceptance, we must release our expecations.
Self-compassion allows us to examine our expectations without judement or shame. It allows us to recognize and normalize our feelings of anger and resentment which allows us to let go of the expectations we have in the situation. It allows us to also have compassion toward another person’s grief.
Reflect on the areas of your life where you harbor anger and resentment. Write a list of the people, places and things you feel anger towards. Reflect on any expectations you have of those people, places or things. What are the “shoulds” that are keeping you stuck in your anger? Practice self-compassion by allowing yourself to identify and feel your anger. Validate it, then take a moment to acknowledge that everyone has their own healing process. Just because your denial is lifted and you can see the problem, doesn’t mean that others can see it yet. Let go of your expectations by asking God to take them from you. Pray for those you feel anger and resentment toward; that their denial be lifted and that they see the situation more clearly.
Peace and blessings,