Denial is the first stage of grief. It is the inability to see what needs to be changed or accepted. Often times we assume that denial means that a person doesn’t want to see what needs to be accepted or changed. But the real issue is that they are not ready.
When we are triggered by stress, our nervous system goes into survival mode and we fight, flight or freeze. Survival mode distracts and blocks our ability to see. It creates blind spots. We do not become ready to see beyond those blind spots until we begin to feel safe. In order to move through denial and into the second stage of grief, we must be able to identify the problem and see beyond the blind spots.
The beautiful thing is that we have a precious gift called time. Having time means that we don’t need to uncover all of our issues today. Therefore, we cannot expect ourselves or others to.
Having Self compassion means understanding the purpose for denial and allowing ourselves the time needed to feel safe enough to come out of survival mode. It is then and only then that we will see what needs to be seen in order to move through our denial. We all have blind spots. Blind spots protect us. Self-compassion is accepting that those blind spots will be revealed when they are supposed to be revealed in Gods time.
Allow yourself and others time for the blind spots to be revealed. Do not force what is not ready to happen by obsessing about it or trying to uncover or fix it. Allow for self-compassion by reminding yourself that grief is a process that takes time and that time will uncover what needs healing and acceptance.
Peace and blessings,